Risky Business

         After a relatively tough day; or rather after many tough days I like to find some consolation in updating my blog or reading others. It's nice to take a step back from everything that might be freaking me out today, like that APUSH test next Tuesday or personal emotional troubles and to think about the future and how none of this will matter; how all these struggles and moments of patiently waiting will pay off one day. 
        Anywhoo, focusing on my initial reason for writing this blog. I've been plagued by a list of tantalizing fears as of late that correlate to my far but hopefully possible surgery
This surgery comes with its fair shares of risks, which is a fact that doesn't really throw me off guard because I indulge frequently in watching medical dramas; which doesn't really say much about my medical experience or knowledge, but it has taught me, if anything, that every surgery, no matter how small, comes with its own set of risks. I've also spent my time reading other people's blogs who often highlight the lists of risks and such and such but It was so surreal sitting in the waiting room to visit the surgeon on that very first day with a thick packet of things to fear. The many packets of information given to me were something not to be dealt with lightly. This Surgery was not to be taken lightly. A plethora of things could go wrong; or not even really go wrong but could follow as a consequence (good or bad) for following through with this life changing surgery 

• A relapse; or a tendency for the re-positioned bone to return to their original position which entails a followup surgery
• Diminished sense of smell
• A drastic change in cosmetic appearance 
• loss of feeling, pain or tingling, numbness in my chin, cheeks, lips gums, tongue, or teeth (which occurs in a significant amount of patients) that may be long lasting or permanent. This is caused by the likely cutting and severing of nerves while re-positioning the jaw.
• Possible decreased function of muscles of facial expression (common) will be long lasting or permanent
• Sinuses will be affected which might need a followup sinus surgery to correct any breathing or sinus problems
• Change of position in jaw joints which may or may not resolve the discomforts caused by TMJD [which i suffer from]

I know that these doctors prepare you for the worst so you fully understand what you're walking into and what you're risking. 

I asked my brother [27] the other day about the chances of anesthesia awakening [which is exactly what it sounds like; you basically wake up in the middle of surgery] as it was something that i was aware of as a highly improbable  outcome, however it still scared me to think that it was possible even in the slightest of chances; And as i looked to him for comfort, his response left me perturbed and fearful. He said, " You shouldn't be afraid of waking up in the middle of surgery; what you should be afraid of is never waking up at all" Which scared me so much i promised myself never to ask him questions regarding my surgery again.
I think the thing that scares me most; other than not waking up; is that I wont be able to feel, which may not mean a lot to some people but feeling is important to me; even in the most insignificant part of my body. Also the loss of facial muscle function seems to scare me too because I'm a very expressive person and i like to do a lot of expressing with my face.
But i'm sure whatever the consequences that follow will be worth all the pros that I look forward to in the end. I'm sure my friends wont miss my super special silly derp faces I always tend to frequently grace them with. 

Haha Ta-ta for now. :)

Pictures for those of you who are more visual than others
 these pictures were taken during the holidays of 2013

Christmas Decorating Feat. Pancakes, my cat. Do you notice how my Jaw deviates quite a bit to the side? Very annoying when taking selfies... or pictures in general.

Post Ortho appt. im pretty sure in this picture the pain hasn't KICKED in yet. Lol, get it; "kicked", cause it almost literally feels like you've got kicked in the face? 

aaaahhh.

Red and green cause I emanate Christmas Spirit 

The Waiting Place

           I went to the orthodontist the other day, and as a result, for the past two days it appropriately feels like I've been kicked in the face. Which really comes as no surprise because as of February, I will have had these train tracks on for a year, which might not be a lot to some, but it's kind of a big deal to me. And truth be told, i really like how my teeth look. Everything looks straight and I already feel more confident smiling; sometimes i even forget I have an underbite. 
             Once, When telling my friends about the fact that i'm having an operation on my jaw, i remember being responded to with a "Why??! Your jaw looks fine to me; I don't see anything wrong!"  That must've been the most reassuring thing to hear; because I mean they might not notice it [hopefully] but if you look in the mirror, it's basically the only thing you can see, and when you walk down the halls or out in public and make eye contact with someone you can't help but think " Oh my god, are they looking at me or my crooked smile?"
The waiting place is a place that i read about in one of my favorite books; it's a useless place where people just.. wait...
 "for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting."

I mean i guess that's where i feel like i am at this point; as we wait for the insurance to approve and to begin prepping for surgery But I mean these are not unfamiliar grounds to me. I've been waiting for this to happen for years and now that it might actually become a reality i can hardly wait any longer... or at least i can; it just gets hard sometimes. But I've once heard that if you want things done right, you can't really rush them. So I can wait.

Right now I'm still Keepin on with school. Trying my hardest and doing all I can. So i mean with all this focusing on school, these next four months should fly by with no problem. Right?  

Hopefully they'll contact us and approve my procedure soon.

Anyways I'm going to enjoy the end of my saturday night with some intense Animal Crossing and Grey's Anatomy.

Keepin' hopes up. 

Ov'r and out.

Pilot!

Hello, fellow bloggers! 
As indicated in the title, I have dedicated this blog to record my journey through my quest to find the perfect smile. This blog has been looong overdue since my story started a long time ago
with my very first pop and click; With the very first mm with which my bottom jaw grew, surpassing the top; and maybe even the very first time that really mean guy in science class called me a piranha. 
 but I guess this is where the real action begins. 
Let's start with the fundamentals.

• My name is Ciara

•  17 years young
• A Junior in High School
• I have a class III Malocclusion (underbite)

• My lower midline is skewed to the left by 6.5 mm.
• The upper central incisors were rotated by 30 degrees each. (pre-braces)
• Diagnosed with mandibular prognathism which means that the foundation that  supports the lower teeth is too far forward for the foundation of the upper teeth.
• I was treated for TMJD (with a very uncomfortable and unflattering splint)
• I got braces around 2/24/2013
• My teeth are currently straight and I've been in braces for about 11 months.

Through the duration of my braces, as movement has progressed, I have noticed that my underbite has become more prominent and has shown that not only does it jut forward but to the left as well. 

I had my first nerve-wrecking with my surgeon on 1/9/13.  His resident came in first, asking me a series of uncomfortable questions

The surgeon then came in and measured my face. Asking me to open my mouth as wiiiide as possible; I  filled the room with a succession of loud obnoxious pops, clicks, and cracks. He did this 3-4 times, just to "make sure". Rest assured, by the end of the appointment, my jaw was in  a great deal of pain. He then sat down and gave me the prognosis. 

He told me that the first thing that he noticed is that it is not my bottom jaw that juts forward, because it is proportionally correct when isolated and compared to the rest of my profile. It is my top jaw that is too far back; (Which is common in oriental heritage) However it should be noted, that just as mentioned before, my bottom jaw is not centered and has been significantly deviated to the left. Therefore, in my case, the double jaw surgery is broken down into two parts

1.) My first procedure will entail the surgeon moving my upper jaw forward, which does not involve wiring of the jaw; however i will be limited to consume items that do not have to be chewed for up to six weeks.

2.) after six weeks of recovery, i will be brought in for my second surgery which will involve the surgeon moving my lower jaw sideways. At the end of my second surgery, I will be wired shut for an undetermined amount of time.

He wants to do this because he doesn't want to wire my jaw shut after drastically compromising my top jaw as any movement to the top jaw commonly creates trouble breathing and not having my top jaw wired will immensely help with breathing.

within two months I will also need all four of my wisdom teeth extracted and cavities filled. For some reason these scare me the most; maybe because it's so surreal that everything is happening so fast. 

We're still waiting on approval from the insurance company. Fingerscrossed. Toescrossed. everythingcrossed.  But my surgeon was oddly very optimistic about everything and is expecting approval shortly.

Let it be noted that i not only made this blog for me, to look back and reminisce on, but for others out there that are going to undergo this procedure. I've read a lot of blogs that have helped me cope with the stress and fear of everything that is happening; and was inspired to create this blog in hopes that it might be some sort of guide for others. 

Well i guess that's it for now~

More info tomorrow; when I'm not studying for my horrific Precal/Physics test.

Below are some pictures of me before and with braces.

B.B: Before Braces; somewhat self conscious of my rotated incisors, but no big deal; they wont stop me from smiling.

The day I got braces. I was simply elated. I even got Rainbow :)

6 mo. w/ braces; hardly ever notice they're there anymore except when i get all that food stuck in them.

In the two pictures above, my underbite and skewed midline is so painfully obvious, it's embarrassing.