Not Superficial.. Just Averagely Ficial.

    Insecurities are little monsters within each of us. They pick at us, they tear us apart; they get us and others to devalue ourselves. They are unique to each person; they are also the uniqueness of each person. It's funny how someone can call something so ugly in someone and then another person will find that same trait as the most beautiful thing in the world. It's really hard learning to live with your insecurities; they're established in our earliest years of life, when we are introduced to society, most of us find that we're all different, and somehow along the line, "Different" was somehow subdivided into categories of " Ugly"  and "pretty", until all we began to see was just that; 

ugly

       and

                       pretty, 

            desirable

 and 

unwanted.

    

 We try desperately to push them aside; listen to the little trivial voice inside our head that says we are beautiful beyond compare, unparalleled to any other being to have existed and that ever will, but we are constantly reminded of every "imperfection" That we personify. 

                      

          I am certainly not going to lie here and say I'm perfectly fine with how I look. I am fully aware of how much I let these little insignificant vices stop me from being outgoing at times, and how bad it is that I let these things control me; I catch myself thinking that after this surgery a plethora of things will change for the better, [ though I am aware that the journey ahead is an unsure and perilous one ] I find myself looking in the mirror imagining myself with a perfect bright smile,  higher, more prominent cheek bones, and a nose with direction. I sat in awe listening to the prolonged lecture from my doctor, wondering how my artist Surgeon, Dr. Taylor would fit my new face together, breaking and scrapping pieces of me that have made me question the beauty of individuality; as he screws in pieces of self confidence that will propel me to a new, higher degree of living.

              But despite all these cosmetic changes that I look forward to, these insecurities are the least of my problems, and are at the bottom of a long list of reasons why a fix is needed.

I mean there are a lot of things at risk here; so much so, that I would never risk not being able to feel my lips forever just to be rid of my petty flaws. No, this is much bigger than looks and being able to smile confidently in the camera, not worrying whether I've estimated the juxtaposition of my jaw just right so it doesn't look like I have a deformity staring you right in the camera lens.

PAIN

is something we all endure; but supposedly effortless things, like eating have become a hassle for me. Hard things like Cereal, nachos, and steak are no longer associated as the tasty delicacy that I once enjoyed, they are only intense headaches for me now. Something as simple as yawning will commence more snaps, cracks, and pops, than a whole box of Rice Krispies, and will generate pain that will almost literally stop me in my tracks.

My open bite puts a lot of pressure on my molars which causes a lot of discomfort in my jaw. I feel this pain on a daily basis. My jaw is always tense, and never feels at rest.

At times I am unable to open or close my mouth, due to it being in pain or completely locked

I am often turned off from food because I know that eating will mean pain and headaches; at times I cannot sleep because the pain keeps me awake; despite the [legal] doses of Aleve and Advil I frequently try to find solace and comfort in.

The pain and clicking has progressively gotten worse, more so in the past year or so, simply due to growth. if you leave a problem alone, it wont get better, it will only progress until it is fixed.

TALKING

 lol ya I do.

is important in life; important for those who want to be successful in a medical career; or most careers, for that matter. Talking  with an underbite is hard for many reasons. Physically, there's some sort of speech impediment that is very subtle, but there, i listen to myself publicly speak and am kind of horrified at how I sound, apparent lisp or not. I'd like to one day confidently publicly speak, knowing full well I can eloquently deliver a speech as beautifully as it is made. Talking is also a PAIN. Literally. After talking for long periods of time, I experience extremely painful headaches.

I know from the outside looking in, cosmetic reasons dictate the priorities in having this surgery, but it delves much deeper than that. This is about not having to stay up all night because my head is pounding endlessly; it's about sitting in a dead quiet room, yawning, and not worried that I'll turn a head with a loud, disgruntling, pop. It's about being hungry and having the freedom to eat what you want; not being afraid to eat even though you are starving, because you know it'll hurt. It's about standing up to talk in front of a class and not tripping over your own words from an essay you spent all night writing, because your tongue got in the way.

       

And for the little things like these, I would gladly risk not feeling my bottom lip, or not being able to smell, or move my eyebrows or whatever it is 

Because  It's about the little things in life the make the BIGGEST Difference.