Just *Filling* you in [Update]

T- 15 DAYS

I went to the dentist last week which was, to say the least, terrifying. The last time I had been to the dentist was four years ago In a small little outlet building in front of a lower end Walmart and they counted a record-breaking 12 cavities, one of which was a root canal. My mouth was never the same again and after the fateful day of having all twelve of them filled, I vowed I would turn over a new leaf and start anew; brushing, flossing, and finishing up with mouthwash at least three times a day. However, some things are easier said than done, not to mention I was hopped up on a lot of anesthesia when I made that promise to myself so I like to think it doesn't count. Which doesn't excuse the fact that I almost never floss because it's such a freaking hassle with braces, and let's be real, sometimes no matter how hard and long you brush, sometimes it's not enough.
Anyways, forever-scarred by rude, inexperienced  dentists using antiquated equipment in an unkempt facility four years ago, there I sat staring up into that blinding light - the one that you can't follow -, mouth agape in a position that was more uncomfortable and painful than I last remember, as they counted all the little holes in my mouth dug in by forgetful nights, and fun, sugar-filled memories that I vowed not to regret, But as I listened to them count upwards from 1-2-3..... and so on, I heartily regretted every night I  laid in bed foolishly thinking "I can just wake up early and brush really extra well" or "One night wouldn't hurt anyone"-- but myself.
But despite my horrific expectations and terrorizing imaginary scenarios that I had envisioned nights before, It wasn't all that bad. The new facility I now go to is in a much better area, with bright, shiny, happy people that I think/hope know what they're doing. They were all very polite (and attractive) and never failed to make me feel reassured when it was apparent that I was freaking out. All in all, They counted 5 cavities, three of which they cleaned right up then and there; that was another experience in and of itself. The needles and drilling didn't hurt at all; what left me with a pulsating pain all over my face was the 2 hours I spent with my mouth open in the most intolerable of positions- at one point my jaw locked and I was terrified, but anyways, it's almost over, I've just gotta wait till I get my wire out tomorrow at the orthodontist appointment so they can reach the other two cavities. That - sadly - means that I wont be getting my Surgical hooks tomorrow *insert sorrowful violin music here* that's been pushed to a saturday appointment. It's weird because my whole schedule is FULL of doctor's appointments, which makes it hard to maneuver between group project summonings and end of the year social events but It'd almost over and we'll get through it.


On my personal Life, I just competed in State Solo/Ensemble this weekend in Austin where we stayed the weekend sight-seeing and exploring. The weird-ness runs deep there, and if you've never visited, I urge you to, It's a very cultured area and they've got cool seaturtle exhibits, and lots of other tourist attractions that are (not) equally as cool. The people there were kind and inviting;  I definitely wouldn't mind living there in the furutre. My time there was limited, so I'll definitely have to visit again on my own terms. As for the performance itself, my group and I practiced hard and we played my heart out, but there were a lot of talented people there and very harsh judges; and so, I don't know what to expect our score to be. Nonetheless it was an interesting and fun experience with talented people I genuinely enjoyed. There were definitely  unforgettable memories made. We practiced hard and played our heart out, which is all we can really do.
Anyways now that that's over,  Final exams are fast coming as well as final preparations for the big day.
NOW.... PICTURES :D

THE DENTIST 

My very talented friends hard at work               SELFIES ON THE BUS RIDE YAAS

STATE CAP. NO BIG DEAL.

                                                                         

 

FEEDING A SQUIRREL; NO BIG DEAL

Contest pictures, anyone?

UPDATE: WE GOT A 2 IN CONTEST woooOoOooOoOoOOOO

Fear and Anticipatience.

T-23 DAYS

Every night this past week I have been finding myself awoken in the midst of cold sweat.

  Fear is not something I'm all too concerned about when I think of these surgeries, in fact I am looking forward to it. I'm counting down the days, hours and minutes that bring me even the slightest bit closer to this surgery. This surgery is a good thing and I don't necessarily find myself cringing away at the thought of someone cutting me open and breaking my jaw. So why is it that every night i find myself subconsciously concocting nightmares that explore everywhichway this procedure can go wrong?  I have been having the strangest nightmares that not even warm milk can cure. And you know, I really try and dig deep and search my subconscious to find and settle any underlying fear I have; and perhaps maybe it is the unsettling fact that They are reforming the very face I was born with and have lived with for 17 years; the fact that I'll be stuck with that face for the rest of my life and that the way i look when i get married, when i take pictures that i'll look back on for the rest of my life, when i look at my children, my family, andmy loved ones; EVERYTHING depends on this man that will rob me of my consciousness for 2-3 hours and instead replace it with the gift of, at first, pain, and angst and struggles... but then the gift of painfree freedom that empowers me to eat anything i want to wherever i want to - And when I think about that, the 2-3 months I'll spend not  chewing, blown up like a balloon, the 3 hours that I'll spend asleep under a plethora of bright lights, on a hard metal table, or the fact that I give the power to a man with a very sharp scalpel to reshape the face that I'll live with for the rest of my life, doesn't seem all that significant to me. So maybe writing all this down has calmed that underlying fear in my heart, and after finishing a mug of warm milk, I'll be able to dream of laying out on the grass, stargazing with the one I love.

BY THE WAY TODAY I WENT TO FUDDRUCKERS AND WAS ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY CROSS THAT OFF MY LIST  I still cannot move from the magnitude of what i ate.

PIX FOR PROOF.  Special thanks to my big brother best friend fo'evah that took me out on a lunchdate and is currently helping me complete my list.

And can we just talk about the time me and my friends were modern princesses

Brace yourself [pt 3] for disappointment

T-28 DAYS

I mean I'm pretty much the type to get my hopes up pretty high when I'm told there's event he slight possibility that something exciting might happen, so when I overheard that I was going to get my surgical hooks today, 4 weeks ago, I woke up everyday this week looking forward to the moment they'd take out my wire and line my teeth with the little hooks that would bind me in a foodless, talk-less prison a month from now.
Sadistic; I know, but my drive to get through this month basically feeds off on every step I take closer to June 11th. So basically all that happened was I kind of griped about how I wanted my hooks today because it would be a complete hassle to schedule yet ANOTHER appointment in my busy schedule, (which they profusely insisted was necessary since the hooks might cause me a modicum of "discomfort") scheduling the next appointment, which took all of 5 minutes because i'm almost literally booked back to back with school and medical commitments, getting my  molds taken [this is like the fifth time and im kind of tired of getting that stuff stuck everywhere, including my hair], the monthly changing of my bands [i chose pink this time because they make me happy].
So anyways I was just really kind of disappointed; that I'm not getting them until two very long weeks from now, and that nothing much has changed but the color of my bands.
so below are some obligatory progress pictures and side profile pictures which always irk me because I never like taking pictures from the side angle. It is literally my worst angle.



note how flat my face is except for my jutting lower jaw; it's intolerable.




wish me luck on the us history AP exam i'm supposed to be studying for ! :D

Throwing caution to the wind [update]

     So it is literally T-30 days until the surgery and I'd like to say that I have taken a habit of being reckless when it comes to eating. It no longer matters  if it will hurt in the long run or not; if I like it, I'll eat . Of course decisions like these never fail to bite be in the butt later when im writhing  in pain from eating a whole steak, but I like living in the moment, and the moment that steak hits my plate, I'm going to inhale it. I'm not proud to say it, but despite the fact that with almost every meal that I've eaten, I've gorged myself to the point of no return, that renders me unable to move or breathe, I've still lost some pounds; which although I would normally be jumping for joy, there is a great deal of weight loss that is to be expected in the time that is used to recuperate, and my surgeon has been urging me  that it is essential to gain a few pounds beforehand.
 Along with this notion that I can  eat anything I want to for the next month, my friends and family are helping me complete my bucket list [here]. ANd IT'S SO FUN. BUCKET LISTS ARE GREAT. They literally give you a reason to do/eat things you normally never would; to step outside of your comfort zone; to do whatever you want; they remind you to enjoy life and the little things it has to offer, even if it's as trivial as eating fries from your favorite wing joint or a whole bag of your favorite chips or having lunch with the person you love.
I'm going to have to make a REAL bucket list after Hell Month is over :)
     See, my goal here is that, as much as I love food, a month from now, when I'm swollen, and wired shut, and my family is feasting on a buffet of chicken wings or shrimp or anything that makes me want to salivate even the tiniest bit, I'll look at it, and be automatically turned off by the memory of the taste and the feeling that i got after eating so much of it I couldn't move.

there is still too much to be done in the next 3 weeks and it's all really overwhelming but at the same time it gives me something to push through all the stress and horrible feelings I've had recently.
There will be a TO DO list up shortly  to keep track of everything that needs to  be done in immediate preparation for the big day[s]

Shout out to the mothers out there. I know that none of this would have been possible without mine and I am grateful for everything she's done for me. 

we celebrated with a barbeque in the back yard and enjoying the beautiful weather outside with the family :D

I also successfully crossed out bbq on my list.

Save The Date

So a few weeks ago I went to the orthodontist and got my braces tightened once more. I didn't really feel the need to explain how I felt like a loser of a fist fight between me and my 200 year old orthodontist, however, it is notable that they put in the THICKEST wire they own in preparation for my surgery. I was told that during our next session, two weeks from now, I'll finally be getting my surgical hooks, which makes it about as real as knowing when the actual surgery date is
sooooo....
I am officially happy to announce that the first big day is June 11th
And the second surgery is scheduled July 15th

it's all coming really fast
and as much as i want to enjoy that fact, there are a lot of things that I've got to overcome before the big day like ENT visits,  Physician visits, pre op, pre-surgery shopping,(cue dramatic music) DENTIST visits,
not to mention AP exams, State standardized testing, End of year exams, end of year projects, trivial auditions, SATs and state competition
AND AMIDST ALL THIS STRESS, I'm just sitting here making lists of the last things i want to eat before my entire culinary artillery is reduced to a single straw for 2-3 months
(feel free to read about that here)
I mean obviously I've got my priorities straight right?


There is officially a countdown on my phone to renew the excitement in my eyes everytime im having a bad day or hankering to know when the bell will ring or if im late for school but anyways i just want to thank  whoever's out there reading this for taking the time to do so and sharing da gr8 news

so
now im going to get working on that list again

just kidding im studying ok (lol)


Below are some pictures of me after getting my braces tightened (with black bands 'cause my good friend told me they'd make my teeth look whiter and who doesn't want that?)

This is right before UIL Competition about 3 days after they were tightened

This is from my NHS induction 2 hours after they were tightened

Shout out to my homies that never let me feel anything less that supported in everything that I do and accomplish and who are also helping me throughout this journey as well.

I love you all endlessly.