Just a Turtle telling tales: The Awakening

DAY 0

June 11, 2014

Awake at 4:30 A.M

as per instructed, I take my medicinal shower with the surgical soap, taking extra care not to use any soaps and lotions. After I get ready, donning my favorite cat shirt and comfy jeans that I know i will be stripped of not even an hour later, I patiently await my parents, and anxiously anticipate what's to come. The drive there is mostly quiet after we pray the rosary, and it's apparent that I am not the only one that's nervous. We arrive at the hospital 7:30 and are whisked into the pre op room not even 3 minutes later. When the lady in a white coat calls my name and leads me to the room I am nearly shaking as it finally dawns on me that this. is. it.
Once in the room (that's a little too cold) she points to a pile on the bed and directs me to change my clothes. At this point all that's going through my mind is "oh my god, already???" I shakily take the pile which consists of

a paper-like, lavender robe (that's waay to big for me)
a plastic bags for my civilian clothes
a pair of comfy, non-slip socks

I slip into these things and then lay in the bed that's provided and try to calm myself with TV as doctors and nurses come and go, asking a bajillion questions (most of them repeated) and connecting wires, stickers, ect to me.

Finally, the surgeon rolls in trailed by his trusty resident and confirms that he will see me in thirty minutes, which terrifies me further. Thank goodness five minutes late, the tiny anesthesiologist bounces in and briefs me on what will happen within the next then minutes

there will be a few more nurses coming in to ask more questions, and an IV will be attached. Afterwards, she will return with a syringe in which she has a very special "happy drug". This drug, she says, will calm my nerves and will be administered through IV.

After she leaves, just as she says a nurse comes in and sticks in the IV, which just hurts a pinch, and seconds later, the anesthesiologist comes with her special syringe and loads it up. Immediately, unstoppable giggles bubbles from within and I can help but smile and laugh even though just seconds earlier I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety.

Conclusion: THIS DRUG IS AMAZING

they wheel me into the room and transfer me to the surgical table, and within seconds there are about 5 different nurses working on me like bees; attaching wires that are connected to machines, setting up blankets and instruments, it was all really a drugged up flurry, and before I knew it, i was overcome by darkness.

As I wake, everything is a blur, and I'm not all that conscious of where I am and what has happened. What i remember is waking, but not opening my eyes. As i gather my surroundings, I realize 2 things.

my mouth is agape
I cannot breathe through my nose
I am terribly nauseous
I can feel everything. I can feel pain and it hurts a lot. I feel like I can feel where my bones have been severed and drilled back together, and I start to cry uncontrollably, partly due to the pain, but I think I cried because it finally happened and the realization was emotionally overwhelming

At the moment, my appearance isn't of immediate concern.

Because as soon as I awake, i drift into a sleep again. This happens multiple times in the ICU recovery unit.

And each time i wake, I arouse with nasty fits of anger; pulling on wires, making a ruckus, and yelling at the top of my lungs.

and each time i wake I am greeted by a nurse shoving a remote with a single button in my hand. what she says does not concern me and i do not hear. All i know at the time is that the button is for me. So i immediately push it rapidly each time it is given to me.

It is not until later that i realize that this is the morphine pump. And morphine inhibits nausea

which along with excessive drainage of blood into my stomach caused me to throw up blood multiple times.
As a bonus I didn't even find that the morphine eased my pain. It only heightened my discomfort.

They wheel me to my room hours later and I'm not aware of much except that people come in and out of the room; some nurses, and mostly my very good friends that took time out of their day to assure that I was alive and well. I am so grateful for them; and i feel so bad that I spent the whole day sleeping instead of enjoying their presence.

Anywho, this post is excessively long, but here are some pictures of this memorable day