Home is where my bed is

DAY 02

JUNE 13, 2014

last night was pretty rough; I couldn't sleep all  that well due to the discomfort. I, of course was woken every chance i got to slip into slumber by nurses that took my vitals. The swelling has gotten so bad it feels like my nose and cheeks have pieces of lead hanging off them, but the discomfort in my throat has gone down quite a bit. I was able to swallow the thick viscous liquid ibuprofen with ease
I am also able to drink snapple, which my aunt was oh so gracious enough to send bottles of during her visit.
but of course I need more than snapple to fuel my healing, and my mom pushes me to drink more

on a happier note,

THE DOCTOR HAS CLEARED ME TO GO HOME

discharge felt like hours but after a while I was in the comfort of my own car, safely homebound. It was here in this car that I had come to the realization of how cold I was. I was cold all the time, no matter how many blankets I had, which is why I spent as much time in the hot shower as I could.

Anyways it was here in this car that I took the best nap of my life, and after the hour long commute home, I drank hot homemade soup which was the best thing id eaten since the surgery. 

breathing is all the more difficult as the swelling rises, and it really bothers me that I cant do much about it but tonight, my father is going out to get a humidifier which will hopefully help that out.

Everyone is being really supportive which makes things a lot better. I find that i feel a lot better having family around and people around me; it distracts me from the discomfort and pain and makes me feel normal.

now I'm going to have another hot shower in hopes of clearing my sinuses and then maybe I'll watch some grey's anatomy.

Progress photos!~

The Beginning of the Worst

DAY 01

JUNE 12, 2014

The night is mostly sleepless due to the coming and goings of the nurses that are tasked with recording my vitals and issuing me little doses of ibuprofen to ease the pain. The incessant sound of the oxygen mask they have given me and the hinderance in ability to breathe also do not aid my need to sleep, but somehow despite sleeping most of the day and all the discomforts inbetween, I am able to fit a couple hours of sleep in. Not my highest score, especially when I need it most, but truth be told I probably got more sleep last night than I did for most of my Junior year of highschool.

Everything about this room is uncomfortable. The size (though I was gracious enough to get a private room), the loud sounds, the lights, the loneliness, the way I feel ; everything about this room makes me miss the comfort of my own room in my own home.

Around 6 am the resident rolls by and is not at all surprised that I am wide awake and have been for quite a while. He looks me up and down and declares that I am fit for dietary advancement onto a full liquid diet.
He tells me my upper jaw has had

•  a 12 mm advancement (which is huge)
•  2 bone grafts; one on each side
•  4 titanium plates
•  and "a lot" of titanium screws (which do not cause panic at airports through the metal detectors) 

He also tells me that he'd like me to stay another day  "just to make sure" which kind of makes me panic because this place is suffocating and lonely and I dont know if I can take another day of this.

As for eating, I've found that the back of my throat is too thick from intubation that drinking anything  sweet or salty is out of the question without being watered down. I'm constantly in fear of choking, even in my sleep, because along with the sore throat, there's also the fact that my nose is so chock full of blood that breathing is out of the question. So I spent a lot of my time trying to walk around and get out of the room, I escape to the restroom when I can, and do rounds in the halls

The swelling I experienced yesterday when I got out of recovery has substantially grown. I can feel the swelling rising uptowards my eyes and it's getting harder to breathe. The peak of the swelling has yet to come. It is predicted the worst days will be 3-4. Afterwards most of the swelling will go down within the next 2 weeks. Residual swelling will take up to a year to go down completely. 

Right now I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Here are some progress pictures of today 

we went downstairs for breakfast

 PROFILE PHOTOS 

 At this point it's difficult for anyone to understand me so i write messages.

Morning Selfie ~ The swelling isn't so bad at this point

 Throughout the day the swelling got substantially worse

The Awakening

DAY 0

June 11, 2014

Awake at 4:30 A.M

as per instructed, I take my medicinal shower with the surgical soap, taking extra care not to use any soaps and lotions. After I get ready, donning my favorite cat shirt and comfy jeans that I know i will be stripped of not even an hour later, I patiently await my parents, and anxiously anticipate what's to come. The drive there is mostly quiet after we pray the rosary, and it's apparent that I am not the only one that's nervous. We arrive at the hospital 7:30 and are whisked into the pre op room not even 3 minutes later. When the lady in a white coat calls my name and leads me to the room I am nearly shaking as it finally dawns on me that this. is. it.
Once in the room (that's a little too cold) she points to a pile on the bed and directs me to change my clothes. At this point all that's going through my mind is "oh my god, already???" I shakily take the pile which consists of 

• a paper-like, lavender robe (that's waay to big for me)
• a plastic bags for my civilian clothes
• a pair of comfy, non-slip socks

I slip into these things and then lay in the bed  that's provided and try to calm myself with TV as doctors and nurses come and go, asking a bajillion questions (most of them repeated) and connecting wires, stickers, ect to me.

Finally, the surgeon rolls in trailed by his trusty resident and confirms that he will see me in thirty minutes, which terrifies me further. Thank goodness five minutes late, the tiny anesthesiologist bounces in and briefs me on what will happen within the next then minutes

there will be a few more nurses coming in to ask more questions, and an IV will be attached. Afterwards, she will return with a syringe in which she has a very special "happy drug". This drug, she says, will calm my nerves and will be administered through IV. 

After she leaves, just as she says a nurse comes in and sticks in the IV, which just hurts a pinch, and seconds later, the anesthesiologist comes with her special syringe and loads it up. Immediately, unstoppable giggles bubbles from within and I can help but smile and laugh even though just seconds earlier I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety. 

Conclusion: THIS DRUG IS AMAZING

they wheel me into the room and transfer me to the surgical table, and within seconds there are about 5 different nurses working on me like bees; attaching wires that are connected to machines, setting up blankets and instruments, it was all really a drugged up flurry, and before I knew it, i was overcome by darkness.

My feet are warm and toasty~

T-8 HOURS

The list of events that have occurred in the past week remind me vaguely of the times in which my life completely revolved around MMORPGs and I spent hours on end completing a quest that followed a plethora of sub-quests which would only lead to an ever-so-rewarding prize. Yesterday, I started my oh so perilous quest at 6 A.M the hospital's office downtown meeting with the surgery coordinator in which we stayed for hours trying to setting some problem with a CT scan ordered by some subpar facility in sugarland run by a group of ill-mannered people only to be told that after meeting with the anesthesia [which took another 2 hours just to have some tests run and be told that I'd be asleep for the procedure] that I would have to travel halfway across town and get a CT scan done at their other hospital and deliver the images to the ENT in hopes that maybe he'll be able to assess the images and clear me for surgery right away. Needless to say by the time I got home it was nearly evening and I was so tired from hopping from hospital to hospital I was just happy to be in bed.

Anyways now that the horrible day is over with and I've cleaned thoroughly and made my peace with food, tomorrow is the big day. 8 hours from now I'll be on my way to something I could only barely fathom in my dreams. In 8 hours, I will never look, or eat the same way again. 

In 8 hours, the whole game changes

and I'd be completely lying if I were to say I wasn't scared. I AM SCARED

but the excitement and anticipation i've built up for this day far outweighs any fear I harbour, not to mention the fact that this is only the beginning. 

I'm very happy to say that there are a lot of people supporting me through this and for all you who took the time to read these thoughts of mine, i'd like to say thank you. I am forever thankful for the friends and family that have been waiting for this day just as long as I have and will be there for me when i wake up to see me. 

Now for pictures~

MY LAST MEAL; 

BECKS PRIME BUBBA BURGER

DEAR LORD I CAN STILL TASTE IT 

I love duckies 

Hurrah for cool admission wristbands from when I got my CT

Left: Before

Right: estimated depiction of what they think I might look for after the first surgery.

Ta~ta

I'm Hooked.

T- 7 DAYS

     So a few days ago I finally got my hooks and it's so surreal because eight months ago I was reading about patients 5 days away from surgery getting their hooks and it makes me so happy because it's right there, I can almost touch it I just have to wait it out just a little longer. Actually, The only thing really standing between me and this surgery isn't really time anymore; it's the fever I've been suffering on and off for the past two days. I feel dizzy, tired, out of breath , and intermittently experiencing chills only to wake up from a shortlived nap drenched in sweat; Which is terrifying all on its own without adding in the fact that I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be sick  on the day of the surgery and I've been cut off from all medication starting today as per request of the doctor; but even as I type away I feel kinda better and the congestion-migraines are mostly gone I think or at least that's what it feels like splayed on my oh-so-comfortable bed but then I get up (maybe too fast) and then WOAH BAM BOOM pain hits me and knocks me almost literally off my feet. Anyways the point is, there is just mild alarm and I'm very VERY optomistic that this bug will pass ; I'll get my surgery on time and everything will be OKAY.

     On another note, there are 3 more days of school left and for some reason, despite the fact that I do almost nothing everyday, these days are the hardest. Same as being so close to the surgery date, I can almost taste the freedom of summer; the refreshing feeling of waking up far long after the sun had; and not having to worry about confronting other people or cramming for that assignment that's due first period, five minutes before the bell rings, or the fantastic feeling you get when you walk out in that hot beating sun and step into crystal clear blue water, orrrrr maybe like when your stomach hurts so much and you can't breathe; but not because you're terrified of presenting, but because you've been rolling on the floor laughing so hard and enjoying some stress free time with your friends  . HAHAHAHA. Just thinking about that special feeling makes me giddy.  And this summer is all the more exciting because it's gonna be action packed~
Anywhoozits, below is a picture of my hooks and  for some reason they remind  me vaguely of pinhead. They took all of thirty minutes to put on and the whole procedure was virtually painless save for the occasional pressure from a tool that resembled pair of really big pliers.  (un)Fortunately I don't have to visit the orthodontist until 3 weeks after my second surgery so I won't get to experience the oh so invigorating feeling of getting a falcon punch to the face- oh no- instead, next week, I get to have my jaw broken and then drilled back together with the help of titanium screws and plates; AND I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED~


alright back to studying for finals- and by that I mean binge watching Grey's Anatomy all night long.